Endurance

I have a friend, who a few years ago at the young age of 31, had to endure the physical and emotional pain of a breast cancer diagnosis (while pregnant with her second child) and the chemo, double mastectomy and reconstructive surgeries that followed her diagnosis. Throughout her treatment, she would regularly send out email updates on her progress and share her thoughts and feelings on her experience. Throughout her entire ordeal, she remained a true inspiration to me on how to handle adversity, and I remember one specific email she sent out, in particular. It was written a day or two after one her many surgeries - perhaps her mastectomy. She described the incredible and intense physical pain she felt when she awoke from her anesthesia and that she had to endure for a few days afterward. Instead of using her pain as a reason to give up or complain, she used her pain as reason to worship Jesus in the midst of it all. Her own physical pain served as a reminder to her of the agony Jesus willingly endured on the cross when he died for us. Ever since, I've begun to think in the same way. Whenever I have to endure physical pain - great or small, I'm reminded how much more my Savior suffered when he died for me.

Which brings me to my own little world as of late. I decided last month (at the urging of a friend - it wasn't even my idea) to run a 10k race at the end of March. This will be my first race ever, and let me be clear: I am a wimp when it comes to pain and exercise, so training for a race has not only been a challenge for me physically, but also mentally and spiritually. Everyone who runs knows there comes a point in the run when your body just begins to hurt - your legs, feet, back, everything. This is when the mental battle really begins - when you have to keep putting one foot in front of the other and endure until you reach your finish. I've been trying to use those few agonizing minutes at the end of my training runs to focus on Jesus, just as my friend worshiped through her pain. I just think about what Jesus endured on the cross for me, and it gives me the endurance I need to keep going.

At the end of a recent training run, where I was really struggling to cover my longest distance yet, the most amazing, God-inspired thing happened. I had been intensely focused on enduring to the end and thinking about the cross when a new song began to play on my iPod, which had been randomly shuffling songs throughout my workout. This particular song, though I've heard and sung it many times before, brought special meaning and tears to my eyes as it serenaded me through the last half mile of my run, when my pain was at it's greatest and I really wanted to quit. Singing along to the lyrics gave me the extra measure of strength I needed to endure the remainder of my run. What an amazing God we have!

The song is entitled "Here I Am To Worship" by Chris Tomlin, and below are some of the specific words that spoke so directly to me:

And here I am to worship
Here I am to bow down
Here I am to say that you're my God
You're altogether lovely.
altogether worthy,
altogether wonderful to me.

I'll never know how much it cost
To see my sin upon that cross
I'll never know how much it cost
To see my sin upon that cross
And I'll never know how much it cost
To see my sin upon that cross
No, I'll never know how much it cost

Here I am to worship
Here I am to bow down
Here I am to say that you're my God
You're altogether lovely
Altogether worthy
Altogether wonderful to me