A Good Woman Knows She Cannot Please Everyone

A good woman (or man) knows she cannot please everyone. That's a sentiment I first read in Nice Girls Don't Change the World by Lynne Hybels. You can read my previous post on this thought-provoking book here.

Being unable to please everyone certainly isn't a new concept that I had never heard before reading Lynne Hybels' book, but I guess it seemed to be so real to Lynne as a recovering people-pleaser that it really struck me. I know that I, too, am a people-pleaser in the process of recovery, and I still have a hard time dealing with other people's disapproval of my choices - particularly people of influence in my life. I'm not sure how to psychoanalyze myself and identify the root cause for my people-pleasing desires, but I know I've been this way for years. Maybe it's part personality - I am relationally oriented. Maybe I'm too much of a perfectionist. Maybe it's my own pride and desire to want to look perfect to others. Maybe I have some of the deep subconscious beliefs that Lynne Hybels discovered within herself. One day she realized, although she knew God's love was a gift of grace, she still had spent most of her life trying to prove she was worthy of his love. That spilled over into every area of her life until she found that she had spent decades trying to please God and others in ways they had never demanded of her. As a result, no one benefited from Lynne living the life God had purposed for her. Eventually, she concluded she could no longer be a "nice girl", always trying to please others. Instead, she wanted to be a good woman - and a downright dangerous woman who can change the world by living out God's unique purpose for her life.

Well, I recently had to remind myself of the lesson I learned: a good woman knows she cannot please everyone. My husband and I recently announced a controversial decision we have made regarding our 5 year old son's education: we have decided to homeschool him for Kindergarten. Even before we announced our intentions, we knew this would not please everyone close to us, yet I still was hurt on a personal level, when we received the strong, outspoken opposition that we had expected to receive. Although I knew the opposition would be there, I still was very distressed over their unwavering disapproval. I think I had been hoping that we would be able to convince them to take a wait-and-see approach and eventually their opinion would change. In time, I thought, I'd have their approval, but it seems pretty clear there will always be disagreement, and I need to learn to be OK with that. Like I said, I am a recovering people-pleaser and still very much in the process of learning to be focused solely on God's desires for me and not the will of others. That's tough, especially when I know that I may have to displease others in order to do what I believe is right. I'm sure there are plenty of other recovering people-pleasers out there who can fully understand my sentiments.

On a lighter note, when I was lying in bed yesterday evening, sick with a stomach virus and worrying way too much over our homeschooling controversy, Jamie, the 5 year old at the center of this saga, came in the room and sat on the bed beside me to tell me he felt sorry that I was still sick. Of course, I was touched, and I told him I loved him and loved being his Mama. He then said, "I love being with you too, Mama." Oh, how I needed to hear that.

My Little Martial Artist

Jamie, our energetic 5-year-old son, is a student of Taekwondo. Oh, yes, he's pretty fierce in his white belt with a black stripe! For the past 8 months, he has been a student at a local Christian Taekwondo University (originally founded by this man) that holds classes in our church building.

This week has been an especially exciting week for Jamie's study of Taekwondo. First, his instructors organized a Taekwondo drama demonstration for both services at our church this past Sunday morning, and secondly, he was able to attend a TKD seminar (also held at our church) last night that was led by Grandmaster Brenda Sell, the President of the U.S Chung Do Kwan Association and the highest-ranked female in the world. She holds an 8th Dan (degree) black belt in Taekwondo. Her husband, Sr. Grandmaster Edward Sell, who holds a 9th Dan black belt is the highest ranked non-oriental in Taekwondo. Jamie was so excited that he was able to meet a person who knew even more about Taekwondo than his instructors. It was a once-in-a-lifetime experience for him to be able to receive instruction from a Grandmaster. When he's older, I'm sure he will really appreciate knowing he took part in this special event.


Let me also tell you a little bit about the TKD demo Jamie participated in on Sunday. I know it might sound a bit strange, but it was really cool to watch! The group of students and instructors acted out a supernatural battle between good and evil set to the song The Champion by Carman. Jamie played the role of an angel who cheered for Jesus as he fought against Satan. Jamie displayed his tremendous acting ability as he covered his mouth with his hands in shock and disbelief when Jesus put his hands by his side and let Satan give him a fatal kick to the head (a symbol of the crucifixion.) Then, after a few seconds, Jesus stood back up (symbolizing the resurrection) and took down Satan and his demons one-by-one. The demo culminated with Jesus (played by Master Luckett, one of Jamie's instructors) breaking through a stack of concrete blocks, labeled SIN, symbolizing how Jesus' sacrificial death broke the bondage of sin. It was a really powerful demonstration of the redeeming work of Christ.

Afterwards, Jamie was proud of his involvement in the demo and extremely thrilled that he got to see Master Luckett break concrete for the first time! Certainly, after seeing the skills of Master Luckett (and also meeting Grandmaster Brenda last night), he has newfound inspiration for practicing his martial arts, but there's a more important lesson we hope he takes away from this experience. We told him that not only were we proud of how well he followed directions while on stage, but that we were especially proud that he had used his abilities to tell other people about Jesus. I really hope Jamie understands that is the most important thing that happened on the stage yesterday. I'll do my best to remind him whenever I have the chance.

If you want to locate a Christian Taekwondo University (CTU) near you, click here. We are thoroughly pleased with the physical, mental and spiritual training Jamie is receiving through his lessons. I highly recommend it!

Also, here is a video clip depicting the song The Champion. It is not a video of Sunday's performance, but it can give you an idea of the demo on Sunday.

WARNING: Being a Parent Will Suck The Life Out of You!

Well, I am officially exhausted. Pooped. Whipped. Whatever you want to call it.

Today has been one of those emotionally stressful days that sometimes occur in the life of a stay-at-home parent, and I am physically and mentally exhausted. My children have steadily beaten me down all day. I'm sure it was a conspiracy. "I'll have a temper-tantrum over losing a game of Chutes and Ladders, and just when I've got her all flustered, YOU start screaming and crying in your high-chair and throw your sippy cup on the floor. Make sure the milk splatters everywhere when you do it, too, OK? We'll take her down!"

This afternoon, around 4 PM, when my blood had finally hit it's boiling point and I was about to blow a gasket, I got the idea to take a long, relaxing shower in the hopes of having some time to be alone and talk to God - to re-center myself in His love. I prayed (in desperation, to be completely honest) and asked God to help me see the world through my 5-year-old's eyes. As you can imagine, we had been at each other's throats for most of the day, and I'm sure many of our battles were a result of me not understanding his thoughts and intentions. Starting to feel renewed, I began singing a song that came to mind, Your Love, Oh Lord by Third Day. Well, wouldn't you know the little sucker who was supposed to be in his bed sleeping off his bad attitude, which is almost always the result of him being too tired, had sneaked into the bathroom? I spun around just in time to see his blurry hand reach for the shower door, but a quick reprimand (probably the 100th of the day) stopped him from following through with his plan - whatever it was. So while I'm praying to be able to see the world from his point of view, he's plotting to expose me in the shower!

There are definitely moments when I wonder, "Will he ever know the lengths of my love and sacrifices for him? Will he ever really understand? Will he ever thank me?" Of course, as I write this, I am sure I'm only feeling a portion of what our Heavenly Father feels for us. Will we ever know the depth and width of HIS love? Will we ever really understand how it felt for God when Jesus, his Son, with whom he is One, took on all the guilt and shame of all eternity and died as a man in a humiliating, painful manner on a Roman cross? How many of us will ever thank him? Just a few thoughts that came to me right now as I am typing.

Well, both of the little boogers are finally in bed, and I'm TIRED. It's 9:30 PM. After a day like today, I probably should have my head on a pillow right now, or at least be watching Dirty Jobs on Discovery Channel. But, instead, I'm spending my time writing this blog entry. Now, I'm starting to think I might also be crazy.

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Lyrics to Your Love, Oh Lord by Third Day (my shower song)

Your love, oh Lord
Reaches to the heavens.
Your faithfulness stretches to the sky
Your righteousness is like the mighty mountains
Your justice flows like the ocean's tide
I will lift my voice
To worship You, my King
I will find my strength
In the shadow of your wings