A Good Woman Knows She Cannot Please Everyone

A good woman (or man) knows she cannot please everyone. That's a sentiment I first read in Nice Girls Don't Change the World by Lynne Hybels. You can read my previous post on this thought-provoking book here.

Being unable to please everyone certainly isn't a new concept that I had never heard before reading Lynne Hybels' book, but I guess it seemed to be so real to Lynne as a recovering people-pleaser that it really struck me. I know that I, too, am a people-pleaser in the process of recovery, and I still have a hard time dealing with other people's disapproval of my choices - particularly people of influence in my life. I'm not sure how to psychoanalyze myself and identify the root cause for my people-pleasing desires, but I know I've been this way for years. Maybe it's part personality - I am relationally oriented. Maybe I'm too much of a perfectionist. Maybe it's my own pride and desire to want to look perfect to others. Maybe I have some of the deep subconscious beliefs that Lynne Hybels discovered within herself. One day she realized, although she knew God's love was a gift of grace, she still had spent most of her life trying to prove she was worthy of his love. That spilled over into every area of her life until she found that she had spent decades trying to please God and others in ways they had never demanded of her. As a result, no one benefited from Lynne living the life God had purposed for her. Eventually, she concluded she could no longer be a "nice girl", always trying to please others. Instead, she wanted to be a good woman - and a downright dangerous woman who can change the world by living out God's unique purpose for her life.

Well, I recently had to remind myself of the lesson I learned: a good woman knows she cannot please everyone. My husband and I recently announced a controversial decision we have made regarding our 5 year old son's education: we have decided to homeschool him for Kindergarten. Even before we announced our intentions, we knew this would not please everyone close to us, yet I still was hurt on a personal level, when we received the strong, outspoken opposition that we had expected to receive. Although I knew the opposition would be there, I still was very distressed over their unwavering disapproval. I think I had been hoping that we would be able to convince them to take a wait-and-see approach and eventually their opinion would change. In time, I thought, I'd have their approval, but it seems pretty clear there will always be disagreement, and I need to learn to be OK with that. Like I said, I am a recovering people-pleaser and still very much in the process of learning to be focused solely on God's desires for me and not the will of others. That's tough, especially when I know that I may have to displease others in order to do what I believe is right. I'm sure there are plenty of other recovering people-pleasers out there who can fully understand my sentiments.

On a lighter note, when I was lying in bed yesterday evening, sick with a stomach virus and worrying way too much over our homeschooling controversy, Jamie, the 5 year old at the center of this saga, came in the room and sat on the bed beside me to tell me he felt sorry that I was still sick. Of course, I was touched, and I told him I loved him and loved being his Mama. He then said, "I love being with you too, Mama." Oh, how I needed to hear that.